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Broken

Straight Lines Bright Colors

From the album Sandcastles

Broken

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About this release

Recorded in fragments over a couple of days, Broken sits between Anymore and Sandcastles on the timeline — but emotionally, it feels like the fault line of the whole record. Tristan sent it to me and said plainly: it’s about a panic attack. From there, the drums had a job. The opening pulse is a heart beating in your chest, physically. The song begins almost in a whisper, Tristan narrating sensations and spiraling thoughts with vivid, alliterative detail that feels less like songwriting and more like a field recording.

As someone who’s never had a panic attack, I was struck by how cinematic and specific it felt — a simulation you can’t escape. The dynamics are extreme: from near-silence to full rupture. There’s a fun crash cymbal that lands deliberately off-beat right after the line “I think my mind has shattered.” Then at the end of the bridge, when he’s shouting “here comes another swell,” the drums double in size — we tracked them twice because one pass just wasn’t big enough. There’s a heavy backbeat and a fat, washy ride to anchor the chaos, but then, over the top, there’s a rolling, almost militaristic march of toms that pummel your ears. And then it all disintegrates — crashes out of time, structure collapsing, the song literally falls apart as it exhausts itself and fades away.

Lyrics

A stranger’s face
somehow sits now
on the body of my friend

Speaking slow
dead words, unheard thoughts blurred
is this the end?

Grasping tight for any holds in sight
despite the sense you'll never be all right
no matter what you try

Muffled sounds and shifting ground breakdown
and you think you finally found a place you won't drown
But the waves come crashing by

No, none of this is real
I think I must've died.
It seems like I can't feel.
I don't know why I'm crying.
I'm broken.

Too tired to sleep,
devoid of noise,
but voices howl inside my head

Choking down a sleeping pill to stay still
only till I spit it up again

Maybe it's a stroke
somehow that's a hope
Feeling lost feeling burned
As the last loose length of rope
slips through my shaking hands

Yes, everything's the same as it was when I came
But my brain can't tame the sudden searing shame
Beating down on empty sands

I think my mind has shattered
Loose fragments on the ground
The parts of me that mattered
Are nowhere to be found
I'm broken

Just waiting for an end
It must be almost done
You laugh along pretending
You understand the fun
Your heartbeat feels like thunder
Your arms are going
The lightning chills ripped through you
And your mind begins to
Caught swirling in this
No, Brett feels like enough
You think you must be dream
Oh, please fucking just wake up
Don't think about the pleasure
Don't think about the pain
Don't try to change the weather
There's nothing there to gain
Oh, if everything must end
This time must end as well
But for now you're captured in the storm
Here comes another swell